Friday, August 05, 2005

Contentment

...what is it?
A state of mind? A choice?
A mysterious aligning of circumstances or an absence of difficulty?
Knowing what you want, where you are going, and how you are getting there?
Why does it elude and taunt us at times when we are the most vulnerable?
Does anyone feel content all the time? (Is it even a feeling?)
Does anybody else wonder about these things, too?

Today the 30 minute drive to the counselor's office was not enough time for me to try to figure out the 'game plan'. Of course, I don't want to waste our time, so I thought I would come prepared with a list of stuff I want to work on in my own life and perspectives (read: fix). So many things I need changed and straightened up in my life that it was hard for me to decide what we should talk about. Too many options keep me from making a decision at all, usually, so I am overwhelmed before I even leave the parking lot.

So what makes being content with who I am, where I am, what I am, so difficult?!

Then during the course of conversation, these questions surfaced and I am still thinking about them. Then we add in the ingredient of faith, and I am not sure it all clears up. Faith is a journey, not a term paper; a walk, not a destination, but it all still feels random and haphazard, doesn't it? There are times faith is a tightrope strung between the dead ends of remorse, sadness, and grief, and the things I know are true about my identity in Christ: beloved, more than a conquerer, fully equipped for every good work.

Must be the Decision. The Decision to keep walking; deciding to be ok with the unfinished and untidy things; deciding to keep on living between the mismatched ends of my life and trusting that God will make something beautiful of it... That makes me a tightrope walker, carefully walking the line between, willing myself not to look down.


...But godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Cor 7:20)

No pain, no gain.

chryl left the ground at 08:37 2 comments